February 5th, 2012 at 12:42AM
Yell at a Ref and I will take you out back and beat you in a way that there are no bruises. Promise.

Yell at a Ref and I will take you out back and beat you in a way that there are no bruises. Promise.

3 notes #roller derby#roller derby referee#ref#rollergirl#beating#bout#bruise
February 2nd, 2012 at 1:48PM
In no particular order, and in my opinion: CHAOS ON THE BENCH Chaos on the bench leads to mistakes in lineups, pantie issues, overlooking of penalty box and skaters with penalties, anxiety, frustration, rage, and everything bad! keep it calm on the bench! how? well, in my experience self run benches with two lines and stagnant skaters on each line run themselves very smoothly with even game play for all and next to no stress.  This leaves your coach to coach, fancy that! and your bench manager to track penalties and panties. STRATEGY BEING YELLED AT YOU FROM THE SIDELINES “Get on her!” “Man on man!” “Call it!” Plan your shit out before you step out onto the track, ‘cause you know what, sideline coaching doesn’t work. and if your main strategy is ” Get Annie Sk8r “, guess what, you’re going to lose - Annie Sk8r has 4 other girls playing with her. YOU’RE NOT BRINGING IT BACK TO THE BASICS Strategy is a HUGE part of derby, huge! But, if you can’t perform a simple booty block, if you can’t differentiate between offense and defense, and if you can’t sustain a good derby stance - you’re going to be outskated. and you’re going to lose. (yes, I enjoy the oxford comma) YOUR JAMMERS DON’T TRUST YOUR BLOCKERS Jammers who don’t trust their blockers look for the dark side, they battle through walls impatiently and pull minor penalties on every pass, they end up in the box, and then you lose.  YOUR BLOCKERS DON’T TRUST YOUR JAMMERS Blockers who don’t trust their jammers will end up bridging out of play skaters, they will take their eyes off the prize (opposing jammer, what!), they will block ineffectively, and then you lose. YOUR WARM UP/INTRO SUCKED The way you warm up is the way you’re going to play.  If you’re a lazy FUCK warming up, guess what? you’re going to get outskated and outplayed and you’re going to lose.  Your team introduction serves as a tool for the audience to know who you are, but it should also get you amped and ready to go.  If you’re not amped, you’re going to lose. YOU DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HALF TIME You better quit kissing on your man/ladyfriend and get to the locker room.  Half time is still game time and you need to stay in the game.  It’s good to point out positives, but criticisms had better be present or else you will change nothing. and you will lose. YOU’RE A “SECOND PERIOD” TEAM Hey! Guess what? It takes 60 minutes to win a game - not 30. You lose. Welp, those are my opinions, what are yours? p.s. I googled and found the image here and photoshopped it.. at my desk.

In no particular order, and in my opinion:

CHAOS ON THE BENCH

Chaos on the bench leads to mistakes in lineups, pantie issues, overlooking of penalty box and skaters with penalties, anxiety, frustration, rage, and everything bad! keep it calm on the bench! how? well, in my experience self run benches with two lines and stagnant skaters on each line run themselves very smoothly with even game play for all and next to no stress.  This leaves your coach to coach, fancy that! and your bench manager to track penalties and panties.

STRATEGY BEING YELLED AT YOU FROM THE SIDELINES

“Get on her!” “Man on man!” “Call it!” Plan your shit out before you step out onto the track, ‘cause you know what, sideline coaching doesn’t work. and if your main strategy is ” Get Annie Sk8r “, guess what, you’re going to lose - Annie Sk8r has 4 other girls playing with her.

YOU’RE NOT BRINGING IT BACK TO THE BASICS

Strategy is a HUGE part of derby, huge! But, if you can’t perform a simple booty block, if you can’t differentiate between offense and defense, and if you can’t sustain a good derby stance - you’re going to be outskated. and you’re going to lose. (yes, I enjoy the oxford comma)

YOUR JAMMERS DON’T TRUST YOUR BLOCKERS

Jammers who don’t trust their blockers look for the dark side, they battle through walls impatiently and pull minor penalties on every pass, they end up in the box, and then you lose. 

YOUR BLOCKERS DON’T TRUST YOUR JAMMERS

Blockers who don’t trust their jammers will end up bridging out of play skaters, they will take their eyes off the prize (opposing jammer, what!), they will block ineffectively, and then you lose.

YOUR WARM UP/INTRO SUCKED

The way you warm up is the way you’re going to play.  If you’re a lazy FUCK warming up, guess what? you’re going to get outskated and outplayed and you’re going to lose.  Your team introduction serves as a tool for the audience to know who you are, but it should also get you amped and ready to go.  If you’re not amped, you’re going to lose.

YOU DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HALF TIME

You better quit kissing on your man/ladyfriend and get to the locker room.  Half time is still game time and you need to stay in the game.  It’s good to point out positives, but criticisms had better be present or else you will change nothing. and you will lose.

YOU’RE A “SECOND PERIOD” TEAM

Hey! Guess what? It takes 60 minutes to win a game - not 30. You lose.

Welp, those are my opinions, what are yours?

p.s. I googled and found the image here and photoshopped it.. at my desk.

85 notes #roller derby#roller derby bout#roller girls#losers#jammer#blocker
February 1st, 2012 at 2:06PM
15 notes #derby girls#platforms#pumps#roller derby#roller girls#roller skates#shoes#toe stop#glitter
January 20th, 2012 at 4:35PM

I’m the hot butter on your breakfast toast!

If you haven’t heard of the Roller Rapper. today is your lucky day.

4 notes #roller derby#rollergirl#derby girl#roller rapper#roller derby song#roller skates#hot butter#robbie love
January 20th, 2012 at 3:03PM
Has anyone plopped down next to you while you’re gearing up and said ” YOU’RE WELCOME ” …. “Yeah, I finally washed my gear last night” This is a huge pet peeve of mine! Why do I have to thank you for being a hygienic, functioning member of derby society? Wash your shit before you catch some sort of flesh eating bacteria!

Has anyone plopped down next to you while you’re gearing up and said ” YOU’RE WELCOME ” …. “Yeah, I finally washed my gear last night”

This is a huge pet peeve of mine! Why do I have to thank you for being a hygienic, functioning member of derby society? Wash your shit before you catch some sort of flesh eating bacteria!

4 notes #roller derby#mrsa#stinky gear#gear up#rollergirl#derby
January 20th, 2012 at 11:45AM
most unlikely thing to happen in a derby huddle?

most unlikely thing to happen in a derby huddle?

23 notes #roller derby#butt#huddle#bout day#grab ass
January 19th, 2012 at 4:06PM
The #1 Unspoken Rule in Derb

The #1 Unspoken Rule in Derb

52 notes #roller derby#douche#rollergirl#roller derby rules#code of conduct
January 16th, 2012 at 4:32PM
Are you a noob? Are you Jewish? Are you unable to come up with a clever derby name? Please be Mandy Shoveitz. Delicious and sweet but watch out, put a bottle or two to your face and you’re on the floor.

Are you a noob?

Are you Jewish?

Are you unable to come up with a clever derby name?

Please be Mandy Shoveitz.

Delicious and sweet but watch out, put a bottle or two to your face and you’re on the floor.

7 notes #derby name#fresh meat#jewish#roller derby#rollergirl